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***

Something's going on. It has to do with that number. There's an answer in that number.

And the mad cycle continues... Maths is ruining my school life, dammit. I don't care about numbers, I don't care about circles and triangles, I didn't asked for Maths on matura exam this year... Teacher keeps asking me, pardon, us, what are we doing in high school. Well, this is why decided to choose language class for the ones who cannot handle Maths... And now? Only three people are safe now, while the rest will probably have F at the end of this semester...

Evidence: The cycling of disease epidemics;the wax and wane of caribou populations; sun spot cycles; the rise and fall of the Nile. So, what about the stock market? The universe of numbers that represents the global economy. Millions of hands at work, billions of minds. A vast network, screaming with life. An organism. A natural organism. My hypothesis: Within the stock market, there is a pattern as well... Right in front of me... hiding behind the numbers. Always has been.

Even my father believes in such thing. Like I wrote in previous entry, I do not want to understand this world. It's impossible. The second bottom, if it exists, is not for me to find. The last thing I want now is to lose it all and go slightly mad. It's like religion: every believer will stick to his theories and won't let go, no matter how hard you'll try to convince him that it's not right. Our teacher seem to believe that Maths is only subject worthy teaching at schools. No, thanks. History is far more fascinating than this (censure).

You remember Archimedes of Syracuse, eh? The king asks Archimedes to determine if a present he's received is actually solid gold. Unsolved problem at the time. It tortures the great Greek mathematician for weeks - insomnia haunts him and he twists and turns in his bed for nights on end. Finally, his equally exhausted wife - she's forced to share a bed with this genius - convinces him to take a bath to relax. While he's entering the tub, Archimedes notices the bath water rise. Displacement, a way to determine volume, and that's a way to determine density - weight over volume. And thus, Archimedes solves the problem. He screams "Eureka" and he is so overwhelmed he runs dripping naked through the streets to the king's palace to report his discovery.

I always believed that when you become genius, you also become insane. It's like your brain is carrying too much things for you to handle. I once met the mathematician who worked in police along with my father, he used to help me at the end of middle school. I liked him a lot, because he was a very kind man, but he didn't knew almost nothing except numbers and maths, it became his whole life. If you want to become a genius, not only in maths, you have to sacrifice so many things...

" - It's a door, Sol. It's a door.
- A door at the front of a cliff. You're driving yourself over the edge."

Tomorrow I'm going to visit my mother's grave. The place without walls, yet one of the few where I can calm myself and forget about everything. Ah, I bet it'll look wonderfull, located in such huge forest during Fall... Maybe I'll take a walk to the chapel as well, even though I don't believe in God, I love this place, it's located in very nice spot. There's also another interesting place there, looking like hedge maze, where soldiers who died during WW II are buried.
...I feel so very tired. Even though I sleeped right after coming back from school, I still feel like I'm not good enough to live. *Laughs*

"Hold on. You have to slow down. You're losing it. You have to take a breath. Listen to yourself. (...) When your mind becomes obsessed with anything, you will filter everything else out and find that thing everywhere."

In fact, I'm not a workaholic, when it comes to writing. I spend more time reading, anyway. But I still store all my inspirations in brain, so I'll be able to use them later. When I write, I forget about whole world and flow of time, sometimes it's quite bad... But one day it'll pay off, I believe. My Maths teacher is so cruel sometimes that she's the most inspiring person I see in real life! *Laughs*

"My new hypothesis: If we're built from Spirals while living in a giant Spiral, then is it possible that everything we put our hands to is infused with the Spiral?"

Arcology. Architectural design which provides separation between poor and rich. I heard this word for the first time while reading about visual novel titled "What A Beautiful People". Sometimes I think that the person who created this term knew what kind of fate will await people. If you've seen "2012" already, you know that only terribly rich will have a chance to save themsleves. The same can be said about other things, it is always about rich, yet mostly useless people. It's a spiral which gets more twisted every year. I just can't stop thinking about it. Swine Influenza is already in Poland, more than 200 people already have it, but when the situation will turn into epidemic problem, I can just guess who will get best medications first...

But when the end will happen? Maybe not even end, but fight for survival? Maybe soon, maybe never. Humph, and matematicians believe that everything can be calculated. Nonsense! Even if they'll calculate something, it won't give them sure answer, only possibility...

That is the truth of our world, Max. It can't be easily summed up with math.

(All quotes are from movie "Pi")