~Birth~
It was december...
So white, so cold...
So dark in this place...
There, he gave me a gift of life...

I was a gift too,
For the woman I called mommy...
,,Mommy"... My first word...
My first smile when I saw her...
It's so far away memory...

She gave me prettiest clothes I ever saw,
I felt so happy,
Yet my mind was empty...
Empty...
I learned the meaning of this word for a long time...

I learned how to life,
How to exist with them...
I was their ray of hope,
Their beloved daughter...

~This Warm Feeling~
I never knew like back then...
It simply came out from nowhere...
Like a wild animal appears from nowhere,
Eating it's pray, enjoying her flesh,
That this feeling attached to my mind...

It was so warm feeling,
But When I looked closer to my heart...
...it was cold...
This feeling liked to sleep in my brain,
But when I saw him... It always happened...
,,Love"... I don't remember who taught me this word...
...it doesn't matter now.

I wanted to give him my love,
I could let him do everything with me...
But already had a  woman...
The one who I called ,,mommy"...
I fallen in love with my own father...

~Elda~
I was sad...
More and more...
Guess they knew about it...
And then they gave birth to her...

Elda...
My sweet little sister...
But I prefered to call her twin...
I even forgot a bit about this feeling,
But after few days, when I looked at him...

My heart simply exploded...
I grabbed it, I simply felt how it screams from pain...
Pain of loneliness... Love that I can't have...
I wanted to fight, I told myself
,,He have mommy already, he's not someone only mine"...

But my heart was deaf...
Day by day... I suffered a lot, trying to hide it...
I didn't wanted them to know...
I didn't wanted to worry Elda, mommy...
..and him...

~Death~
When I remember myself that day...
I was so powerless...
All my chest exploded inside,
And after the wave of pain I fainted...

When I opened my eyes...
I was in bed... My bed...
So warm and cozy...
But I felt cold...
..and this terrible pain...

They all were there...
My mother cried her eyes out,
Elda... I felt her silent hope for me to return... Poor girl...
And of course he... I felt that's my last chance...

When everyone came out,
The silent words slipped away from my lips...
,,I love you"... I could only whisper...
,,I know... Forgive Me"... That was his answer...
I felt grateful for him... He was at least honest with me...

How many days could pass back then?
Two? Five? Maybe even month?
I never saw him again...
I was blind, deaf and speechless...
But I felt my sister on my side...

Then she did it...
The worse thing she could ever do to herself...
She sacrificed her own memories,
To place my heart in her own body...
Empty heart without sadness,
For Destroyed heart, full of good memories, yet stained with tears...

Then, I died...
I never saw him again...
At least I could do one thing...
I could help my weak twin from now...

~Void of Darkness~
That place...
Is that was Elda's heart?
No... It was her mind...
So empty, so dark...
No... It was all my fault...!

I saw various people trying to take her...
But everyone throwed her away,
Like a piece of brainless junk...
I knew my sister didn't knew about it,
She was completely mindless...
But I felt responsible for it...

When I felt there's no hope for her,
That man appeared...
He took my sister to his home,
And taken care of her...
Sparkle of hope shined in my heart,
But... Elda became other person now...

Chii...
That was her new name...
I tried to talk with her...
I had so weak hope she may remember me...
I was wrong... But maybe it was good for her...

When she dissapeared,
I suddenly felt I'm crying...
How? I didn't knew...
I looked on my hands, when the tear drops fallen on them...
My eyes were so wet then... My sadness was so huge...
I was crying and wished only one thing...
...I hoped she didn't heard me...

I felt so alone there...
Having Elda so close to me, yet so far away...
I was happy I could help her back then...
...and then I felt it too...
...Elda was in love...

~Painful Truth~
I asked her many times...
And her answers were always the same...
...She loved this man...
I felt I couldn't keep it up like that...
I told her everything...

She believed me,
That was relief...
But bringing those memories back to me,
Gave strength to the old pain in my heart...
We were connected in pain...
...or maybe only I suffered that much?

Then, everything became bright...
Guess it started...
I wish to see her now...
Enjoying her time with husband...
...maybe even they have kids?

I wanted to have children too...
...but I commited suicide only by myself...
I'm... I mean I was...
...a terrible failure...
...Erase me... I don't want to...

~The End~
That was a short while...
My mother erased me only by herself...
I caused too much pain for them...
Even erasing me completely was too much for her...

...I was host of Sorrows,
All the demons lurking in our hearts,
I'm so glad I don't exist now...
..everyone...
...I'm so... so...rr...y...